Dissolving

The end is coming. He is coming, I know it. I can feel Him. He is in the crippling cold, the gnawing, constant pain. I am so worn out. I am so tired, I’m tired of doing this – of seeing this, every day. The blank walls scream at me in colourless agony. The food – the jiggling Jello – mocks me; I have been reduced to a state of infancy. The scent is one of sterilization, of illness, of old age, of stale bodies.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes again, resting, listening. The nurses beyond my door exchange tales of flirtation and indulgence. It is strange to think that Life will carry on without me – and what has been my part in it?

Suzie’s in the corner, her face pulled awkwardly against the hand that supports it. She is sleeping, her hair falls across her youthful face. I rub the side of my own and try to relive the memory of youth. This body is foreign to me. It is frail and breaking. I want to sleep. I want to sleep again, to feel that blissful calm take over… I close my eyes.

A stabbing in my chest brings me back. I am scared, I cannot breathe – I can not. I try, I gasp and gulp at nothingness. I am suffocating. Suzie is at the bed, she yells to the hallway. I can’t make out her call. I stare with wide eyes, yet see only darkness. I am lost, pulled deeper. He has me. I thrash and pull and reach for the surface, but it is distant, it is nowhere – gone. Panic takes over – but then, an iridescent peace…

Through the darkness, she appears, bright, and young, and beautiful. I feel a sort of helplessness as I approach her, overwhelmed by her, weak with joy and disbelief. She is here! She is back!

I can feel life as I know it end the moment I reach her, and take her in my hands. She folds into me, becoming a part of me again. I embrace her wholly as I inhale the scent of her perfume.
I pull back from her. We are young again, young and whole, lively and joyful. She smiles at me – the very kindest smile. She’s so beautiful it hurts, and she glistens now, and glows, and sparkles, as never before. She smiles at me, and holds my neck, lightly tracing my hairline with her delicate fingertips.

I can feel it all. I can feel our shared life – every moment of it, every breath. Things I had forgotten long ago now come rushing back to me. I had forgotten the beauty of her eyelashes, the softness of her touch, the smoothness and warmth of her skin. She is breathtaking – I can see Time in her eyes. She intertwines her fingers in mine, kisses me, and, as though slipping into a lovely dream, I feel us dissolve into eternity.